Home Sweet Home?
by PickledOnion
Summary: What happened with their friends and families when they got back to Earth? ShepWeir COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

I don't know about you, but I really wanted to see them with their families when they got back to Earth and so I decided that if the Stargate Atlantis owner-people were not going to give it to us. I was! I'm PickledOnion by the way. I hope you like it and review! I'm British, but I used elevator instead of lift to stop any confusion

I'm not entirely sure how it's going to pan out so some suggestions for how this story goes will be very welcome. They may not be used, but still welcomed!

Chapter 1: The Elevator

They were going home…at last. After spending an entire year somewhat…stranded on Atlantis. The senior staff got to go home. So, okay, they had to take an 18 day journey on the Daeledus to get there and most of the time they would be working, finding more people for the expedition, but at least they had a chance to go home and visit their families and friends.

First of all, all five of them had to spend some time at the SG-C being debriefed and picking new applicants and what not. Elizabeth had to safe John's job, convince Carson he was the only doctor for her and prove to Rodney he wasn't going to drop down dead from a cold, since he had got it into his head his immune system must of changed dramatically over the last year. Plus she had to come to terms with her break-up with Simon and take Teyla shopping…a lot.

Then…she had to see her family. Her father, Bob, was the most wonderful, down to Earth man you could ever meet. Her brother, Will, was happily married with the two most gorgeous sons and then there was her mother. A complete control freak always on her back to get married and have kids, but at the same time she was fabulous! She was just one of those people who you loved to hate and hated to love. No one could stand her, but they all loved her to bits at the same time. However, Elizabeth was prepared, first of all she was going to go to her friend's house get completely pissed and drown in her sorrows, but she was still prepared. She put on her jacket and headed for the elevator, to hear a familiar voice call her name. She turned around to be greeted by a casually dressed Lt. Colonel Sheppard. She smiled graciously…just waiting for some bad news.

"Doctor." He said seriously. She squinted at him; it had been a long time since he had called her doctor.

"John." She didn't know exactly what he wanted her to say. He smiled and got close to her and whispered.

"Okay, I called you doctor and now this is where you seriously say colonel." He grinned, stood back, coughed and went back to the serious face. Elizabeth just burst into laughter.

"Give it a rest! I am not going to keep calling you colonel. I'm done! Keep calling doctor to your heart's desire, but unless I'm really pissed I am not going to call you colonel anytime soon." Elizabeth smiled, until John smacked her on the arm. She was stunned.

"What the hell? What was that for?" She said rubbing her arm and quickly stepping in the elevator and, of course, he joined her.

"Getting you pissed." He said still grinning. She looked at him and scowled, he was such a four year old.

"Well it's going to take a lot more than tha-" He hit again. "Ow! Would you leave me alone?" This time she hit him until them were fighting like children in a non-moving elevator. John pinned her arms to the wall, they were really close to each other now. Both breathing heavily and both very close. Elizabeth swallowed; she did not have time for this. So she asked the only question she could think of.

"Going up?" She instantly mentally kicked herself; John smiled and released her from his grasp. She pressed the button for the surface and faced the elevator doors.

"Not anymore." He mumbled, looking down at the floor. She couldn't help but give a small smile.

"So…" He said changing the subject. "Where are you going tonight?"

"Oh, I'm seeing a few friends." That was a quick, short answer; they won't get her in trouble.

"This is a long journey, you might want to elaborate." He said grinning again. She turned to face him and raised an eyebrow.

"You mean, you are intrigued and want to know more." She said, herself ginning as well. John just kept grinning.

"Well," She turned to face the elevator door again. "There are three of them, Marcus, Anna and Julie. I'm going to Anna's house since it's about a mile or so from here and they have all flown in to see me. I've known Anna since forever since my mother and hers are good friends and I've known Julie and Marcus since university. Anna has been divorced and now has a hatred for straight man, Julie has lived in the States since she was ten, but has the most posh English accent I have ever heard…oh and she can smoke for England too. And then there's Marcus, the man who fits the idea of the stereotypical homosexual man perfectly. He is a 'currently unemployed' actor who has been 'currently unemployed' for nearly 20 years. I usually turn to them, when I have something big coming up with work so they an tell me how pointless it all is or if I want to get completely pissed due to the fact my mother's in town."

"So which is it? Something big with work or your mother or both?" He said casually putting his hands in his pockets. She stared at him blankly. She could not believe he had just taken that all in and wasn't confused or shocked or disgusted by her friends.

"You know you're the first person not to reply with, 'well I think you need to get yourself some new friends.'" John looked at her and smiled.

"Well, I think they sound interesting, so answer the question." He said demandingly. She smiled again; he was awfully cute when he demanded things.

"My mother." He sighed knowingly.

"Is she one of those pushy mothers?

"You could say that. Always wanting me to get married and have kids. She is going to be pissed when she finds out I broke up with Simon…oh, he's some guy I…Never mind. Apparently it's not normal to be thirty fi-" She stopped herself, not wanting to reveal her age. "…thirty and not married and don't have children." She continued, John could not help but grin; she was awfully cute when she lied so blatantly.

"Well, at least only your mother feels that way." He said reassuringly.

"Well, according to her half the family think I'm baron!" John has he saw Elizabeth getting all flustered.

"At least it's only half the family."

"Oh no! Apparently the other half thinks I'm a lesbian!" John couldn't stop laughing. She looked at him shocked. "It's not funny!" She smiled and then started to laugh a bit too.

"No, you're right it is funny. You know this is my friends' jobs; making me laugh about the fact that my mother has spread rumours around the family." He stopped laughing at wiped his eyes. It felt good to laugh. He took her by the hand.

"If that is your friends' jobs than your friends must be a lot of fun indeed."

"They are, especially when their drunk."

"I would love to meet them sometime." He said smiling at her.

"I would love for you to meet them." She said smiling back. But should she ask him? Probably not and the little angel on her left shoulder is telling her it's a bad idea. Unfortunately the little devil on her right shoulder is more appealing and so she goes ahead and asks him anyway.

"You can come if you want?" John smiled and thought. Was it a good idea? The angel on his left shoulder definitely didn't think so, but then again he's right-handed so he might as well trust his the devil with horns on his right shoulder, right?

"Sure." John looked into her eyes and vice versa, they were both holding hands; it's the stuff that makes fairytales. Unfortunately, Elizabeth is a realist and knows she should have trusted her angel.

"Wait." She said while carefully removing her hand from his. "What about Teyla? Isn't she staying with you?"

"Not anymore." He said looking at the floor and back at her again. "She decided to stay with Carson for awhile. See, she likes to shop." Elizabeth nodded understandingly.

"And, well, she has expensive taste too. Shorthand version is I gave her my credit card and she just about bought everything she saw. I, of course, had a bit of a go at her, she said I was mean and Carson decided to let her stay with him while we were here. However, I am not stupid, she was looking for an excuse to stay with Carson. Have you seen his house? It's…wow."

"Well, then, I guess you'll just have to drown your sorrows of your loss of money with me and my friends, while I drown my sorrows over the fact I have to go to a family barbecue hosted by my mother."

"Well, we do make a sorry pair don't we." Elizabeth smiled. "Shall we?" He held his arms out and she linked her arms with his.

"Lets."

And with that, John and Elizabeth walked out of the elevator to the car park and got in her car to Anna's house.

Chapter 2: Brainwave

Will he like her friends? Will her friends like him? What exactly is this brainwave? And whose brainwave is it? Find out in chapter two. Please give me reviews; I have an idea for chapter two, which I think your going to like.


	2. Chapter 2

I hoped you like chapter 1. Review! Remember I don't know how I'm going to end it so some suggestions would be very welcome, maybe not necessarily used, but still very welcome. I used the word trunk instead of boot to stop confusion. Anyway moving on, here's chapter 2!

Big thanks to Beach chickJASSNL for suggestion, you'll be glad to hear I'm using it! Lots of love PickledOnion.

Chapter 2: Brainwave 

Elizabeth pulled up to a very normal bungalow in suburbia and turned to look at John.

"This is Anna's house." She said while they both got out of the car. They both closed the car doors.

"Looks normal enough." He said smiling.

"Mmm…could you help me with the stuff in the trunk?" Elizabeth went to the back of the car and opened the trunk door. John was shocked to see crates of beer and lots of bottles of champagne.

"Whoa! When you said you were going to get pissed with these guys you weren't kidding!" He smiled.

"Well," she said while picking up a crate, "I told you, my mother's in town." He laughed and picked up the other crate and a few bottles and followed her down the path to the door where she rang the bell.

John looked at her up and down while she faced the door. For the first time she wasn't wearing a red shirt, but she was still wearing office wear. However, she did look good. A knee-length pencil skirt with a skirt, which made John notice she had a great pair of legs. A simple suit jacket and a white blouse, which subtly revealed a very nice lacy bra, and so John had to remind himself to look at the door and not the woman next to him. _Bad John! Don't it!_

The door opened and there was a woman with dark blonde hair with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine in the other gave a great big smile and looked at John and raised an eyebrow.

"Liz, darling!" John figured she must be Julie as she had an extremely posh English accent.

"You brought company? Well, he's a lot better looking than Simon that's for damn sure. Although I never saw you going for the whole bed-head thing, but I guess-"

"Oh no! John is just a friend who I brought along because he wanted to meet you." Julie's mouth hung open.

"And you told him about Marcus, because seriously you're hot and Marcus goes for that whether you're gay or not, so-"

"Don't scare him away!" Another woman with pale skin and red hair came to the door and eyed John making John feel very uncomfortable.

"You're a man." She said bluntly.

"Yes." John was confused by this statement and looked to Elizabeth for some answers, but she just rolled her eyes.

"You're straight."

"Yes."

"Ever been married?"

"Anna! Would you stop! It is cold and I have brought alcohol so can we come in?"

Anna and Julie looked at the crates and then at each other and said in chorus.

"You're mother's in town." It was a statement not a question. They immediately let them in and they both went into the living room where a man was sitting on the couch with a glass of wine. John guessed it was Marcus.

"You must be Marcus." He said offering his hand. Elizabeth rushed out from the kitchen with two beers. She gave one to John and opened one for herself.

"I'm sorry. I haven't introduced you." Anna and Julie came in from the kitchen and sat down.

"John this is Anna, Julie and Marcus." She pointed to them all and he shook all their hands.

"Guys this is John Sheppard."

"Well, you certainly have soft hands." Marcus said smiling.

"He's straight." Elizabeth said bluntly while sitting down next to John.

"Damn it! All the cute ones are straight!" Marcus said pouting, but then smiled at John. "Anyway, I can get you to change sides. All the women laughed while John looked plain horrified.

"No. I'm good." He said graciously.

There was a bit of silence before Julie spoke up.

"So…what's the story?" She asked Elizabeth.

"I have to go to a family barbecue and of course my mother has flown in New York to be there and I have to go ALONE and somehow tell her that I'm still not married with no kids and now I'm single…again. She liked Simon as well." Elizabeth frowned.

The rest of them started laughing.

"Honey," Anna said comfortingly, "of course she liked Simon she was the one who set you up with him, which pretty much says you're better off with him."

"Well, I'm glad you dumped him!" Marcus jumped in.

"What? You said you liked him!" Elizabeth said shocked.

"Well, I lied. He was an safe, unimaginative, not spontaneous, average looking, boring lawyer who acted like a gay, 60 year old, unimaginative, not spontaneous, average looking, boring lawyer."

John nearly choked on his beer. What weirdoes? However, he decided he liked them.

Elizabeth on the other hand was extremely puzzled.

"Why did he act gay and 60?"

John decided to jump in.

"Did he like sports?"

Elizabeth turned to him.

"Well…no, but-"

"That makes him gay." Julie jumped in.

"And if he had to pick a sport what would it be?" John asked another question.

"I guess golf, although-"

"And that makes him 60." Anna finished.

Marcus smiled. "You know, Johnny boy, I think you're going to fit in round here."

Three hours and two crates of beer later… 

"…and so to get the A in chemistry I had sex with my professor…on his desk…. twice."

John looked at Elizabeth somewhat shocked. He had learnt more about her in one night than in the past year and his idea of her being the perfect student body president was blown out of the water.

"Anyway, enough about my past." Elizabeth said…just about.

"What am I going to do about the barbecue and my mother?"

"You could move to a far away country and marry some guy who speaks a different language like Spanish. I like Spanish men." Julie, too, was very drunk.

"Well, fortunately for me, I speak Spanish and so that wouldn't be a problem."

"I've got a sudden brainwave!" Said Anna, standing on the sofa, as she was also very pissed.

"Go with him!" She pointed to John.

Elizabeth looked at John then Anna then John then Anna then everyone else.

"Are you crazy? I can-"

"Yes you can!" Said Marcus, suddenly realising what Anna's brainwave was about.

"Pretend he's your boyfriend, who you've been leaving with for the past year, cause you have. Right? I mean you work together and live together on that classified thing that you can't talk about. Right?"

"Right. But I-"

"can pretend! He is the love of your life and you're very serious about each other. Okay?"

Elizabeth cringed; this was just another step towards her being smitten with John. She was just scared pretence was going to turn to reality and John was thinking the exact same thing. However, getting one back on her mother with a handsome, charming boyfriend who she was smitten with and found without her mother's help would shut her up once and for all. Right?

She looked at John and John realised that this would be a nice thing to do for her and genuinely smiled at her.

"I'm up for it if you are." Elizabeth grinned back.

"John Sheppard!" Marcus shouted. "You have made our little Lizzie very happy! I could kiss you!" He got up.

The other four of them looked horrified and screamed in chorus.

"Don't!"

End Of Chapter 2

Review! And tell me what you think should happen!


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks so much for your reviews! Thank you very much to beach chickJASSNL for coming up with the idea of taking him to the barbecue it's great! It has given so many options for me! I'm also using your other idea of people hitting on John, well actually it's just one, but…oh I don't want to spoil it…just read it!

I'm very knew to this fan fiction thing could someone tell me in a review what a Beta is, cause someone offered to be my Beta. I don't have a clue! I'm hoping this chapter is good; it gives loads of her family and is quite comical. Here you go. Lots of love PickledOnion.

Chapter 3: Preparation 

Elizabeth was soon regretting excepting her friends' advice and getting John to go with her to the barbecue. She was driving the car with John as well and was going over everything he needed to know…very quickly. She had a feeling that this plan was going to come back to bite her on the ass, as her mother always said, "It's a little thing called Karma, dear."

"Okay, so my dad's called Robert, but he'll tell you to call him Bob…he's great. You'll like him…he's very…pro-military, you'll get on like a house on fire. Then there is his wife, Babs, who is a little crazy…okay she has totally lost her marbles…she'll ask you the most personal questions and will offer advice to do with our sex life."

John raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Sex life?" He teased. "I didn't realise that our pretence would be that real."

"Very funny. My brother will like you, his name is Will, but I warn you he'll give you the whole older-brother-protective-of-little-sister routine. However, that's crap because he couldn't give a damn, but if you play with his little boys you'll have him wrapped around your finger…"

"Elizabeth! I get it! You want things to go smoothly and you don't want to get caught! Trust me! I know how to make a girl look like my girlfriend, it'll end up with your parents loving me!"

They got out of the car and Elizabeth slammed the door.

"No! One of my parents will love you. My mother on the other hand-"

"Oh come on!" John said taking her hands and began walking own the path to the house with her. "She can't be that bad!" Elizabeth stopped in her tracks.

"No John! She can! She is the spawn of the devil! She is Satin's very own daughter! She will do everything in her power to make sure that by the end of the day, we've broken up and I hate you. Whether it means spreading rumours to the men of the family to get them to punch you or getting the kids to bite you or even just sending Stephanie after you."

"I'm sorry! WHAT is this about punching and biting and who the hell is Stephanie?"

John was now getting scared and Elizabeth was scared that he was going to back out.

"Look! I love my mother! I really do! Without her, I would probably be miserable, unemployed and without my wonderful, bitchy friends. However, that doesn't change the fact that she is pure evil. Oh and Stephanie is like the daughter she never had. You know blonde, blue-eyed, beautiful, yet clever and single…plus she's evil too. Mother's ultimate weapon is the one woman who has seduced just about every boyfriend I've had. Look…I'll understand if you don't want to go through with this now-"

"No!" John took her hands in his own. "I want to be here." Elizabeth smiled shyly and they gazed into each other's eyes like in those smushy movies until the moment was ruined with a women standing in the doorway.

"Lizzie! How sweet!" A short and chubby woman with big, frizzy hair wearing gypsy-like clothes ran down the path and engulfed Elizabeth in a big hug.

"You're home." She smiled and looked at John. "Well, you're certainly not Simon."

"No. This is John, he's my…boyfriend. Simon and I…well, we decided that…well, I guess we…"

"Oh. He met someone didn't he? Well, never mind, I didn't like him anyway."

Elizabeth stared somewhat shocked and then threw her hands in the hair.

"Did anyone actually like him? Never mind. John, this is Babs my step-mother."

"It's a pleasure to meet you mam." He shook her hand politely. Babs grinned graciously.

"Well aren't you the gentleman! You go right inside John we'll be there in a sec."

John smiled and walked indoors.

Elizabeth waited until he was inside before speaking.

"Well…what do you think?" Elizabeth was praying she liked him and that Babs believed her. She knew Simon had met someone else, so she may have caught on to the fact that John and her weren't really an item.

"Oh Elizabeth. He's wonderful. Great manners, great body, probably great personality, love the hair and he's obviously smitten with you." Elizabeth looked at her stunned.

"He is?"

"Honey, come on! The way he was looking at you when I opened the door, how he smiled when you said he was your boyfriend and how he looked a little jealous and maybe even hurt when you mentioned Simon, well…that's love. Anyway, come to the backyard. Everyone has missed you so much! You were gone so long!"

Then, before Elizabeth had the chance to contemplate what her adoring, little, step-mum had said to her, Babs had dragged her through the house to the backyard.

"Hey guys! She's back!" Babs called and everyone turned around to look at her and called out her name, until a very familiar face encased her in a bear hug.

"Dad." She smiled as he let go.

"My little bumble bee."

"Dad! You have to stop calling me that."

"Never. So…" he said as he lead her into the garden. "Who's the guy?" He pointed to a certain colonel making his way towards them.

"Oh! John this is my dad, Bob, and dad this is John Sheppard, my boyfriend."

Bob gave John a manly handshake and looked at him in thought.

"So, Sheppard! What are your intentions with my daughter?"

"Daddy!" Elizabeth slapped her father on the arm.

"I'm sorry. I'm just playing with you."

John smiled with relief.

"Here." Bob handed they both beers, which John practically threw down his throat. He was so nervous, which Elizabeth thought was extremely sweet.

"So…" Elizabeth said while looking around. "Where's Will? I can't wait to see him."

"Oh sweetheart, didn't your mother tell you? He couldn't make it! Something to do with setting up home in South Africa." He gave a big grin.

"Oh my God! He got the job!"

"Yep! He finally got his dream job! He's working with the animals in Africa! Got a ring to it, don't you think?" Elizabeth smiled with delight and turned to look at John. John didn't realise how good it made him feel to see her smile, as with the Wraith, being cut off from Earth, the Wraith, Caldwell and the Wraith she hadn't had a chance to smile much.

"That's the good news." Bob said cringing. "But it gets worse. See, your mother decided with less mouths to feed she was going to bring another guest. She brought Steven."

"What?" Elizabeth shouted, making many heads turn. "Why would she? I mean, why? There's no need! When? Where? How? Where the hell is she so I can kill her?"

Bob flipped some burgers on the Barbie and turned to look at her again.

"Well, dear, your mother got a call from Simon and well he didn't realise your mother didn't know you had broken up, which I'll have you know we didn't know either! Anyway, your mother decided this was the perfect chance to impose Steven on you."

Elizabeth threw her beer on the floor and stomped inside. John just watched in horror and swallowed hard.

"Who's Steven?" He asked quietly.

"Son, Steven is a sexist, successful, manipulative, rich and extraordinary handsome guy who does not blend well with my Lizzie. He is the one type of man that disgusts her. However, he kind of has a thing for her and sees Liz as a bit of a challenge and trophy if you will. Of course, that repulses her and it pisses her off that men like him actually exist. Unfortunately, her mother likes him and will try to set them up. I'm afraid that once her mother gets here, you'll be a target. She'll try and keep you and Liz away from each other all evening and set Stephanie on you and Steven on her."

John was beginning to have a real distaste for Elizabeth's mother and was extremely confused to how such a wonderful woman like Elizabeth could come out of the vagina of such a bitch.

"Well, her mother can try, but-"

"but nothing! If Elizabeth's mother wants you two lovebirds to have split up by this evening your relationship with my daughter will be over. Her mother is an absolute cow, but a cow that always gets her own way. They're already in the house; they've just arrived. I suggest you and Liz get out of here while you still can."

John stood up straight, held his chin up high and put his beer can on the garden table.

"No. The witch and her two little flying monkeys can piss off, cause I am not giving up Elizabeth for the world. It's time her mother was properly squashed like the bitchy bug she is."

TO BE CONTINUED 

REVIEW PEOPLE! GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS! How should this all end, you tell me! I'll probably do about two more chapters, I don't know!

The next chapter will be…

Chapter 4: The Devil and her pathetic minions


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews! You're probably right the teacher sex thing probably was over the top, but I'll just pretend it was a little fib caused by her drunkenness. Sorry if the last chapter was crap, just trying to set the scene for the next one, hopefully this one will be better. Please keep reviewing, I need all the advice/help/suggestions/ideas that I can get. Wow! I really do have co-dependency issues! Thanks to everyone and their input and DON'T WORRY! The flying monkeys will get what is coming to them in the end.

Anyway swiftly moving on, here goes chapter 4!

Chapter 4: The devil and her pathetic minions.

A woman in a beige suit with a Louis Vutton handbag and huge sunglasses walked out on to the patio. John assumed this was Elizabeth's mother, as she had dark, brown, curly hair, pale skin and was shaped like Elizabeth too. She took her glasses off and smiled at Bob who managed a great fake smile. It was then John realised that Elizabeth definitely didn't have her mother's brown eyes, but her father's green ones and also didn't have a smile. Her mother's smile just oozed evilness, if that is even a word.

A man also wearing a suit without the jacket stepped on to patio as well, smiling with a million-dollar smile. By his good looks, John guessed he was Steven, giving him the sudden thought to introduce him to Marcus. Wouldn't it be fun to see Steven's reaction to that? Hopefully, he has soft hands!

Then, another woman stepped out on to the patio. She had blonde hair, blue eyes and was very attractive. John had a thing for blondes. No! Must resist! Bad thoughts were coming into John's head, very bad thoughts. Then, Elizabeth walked out of the kitchen door and smiled at him and all those thoughts instantly disappeared. By most men's standards Stephanie was more attractive and probably more appealing, but John just lit up when he saw Elizabeth smile, mainly because he cared about Elizabeth…a lot.

That's it! John thought. I'm going to march right up to them and say, "Look! Me and Elizabeth are together, so you better get used to it!" And with that, John walked towards the patio area, before an arm reached out and stopped him.

"I wouldn't do that son." Bob warned him and then nodded towards the people on the patio.

"Why not?" John shot back.

"Abbie has just got here and Liz and her need to get their little banter match out of the way. Then…well, you can shout all you like." He smiled, Elizabeth had her father's smile.

John looked at him confused.

"Okay, who's Abbie? And what little banter match?"

"Well, Abbie is Liz's mother!" Bob said like that was the most obvious question in the world. Bob eyed John, what kind of boyfriend doesn't know the name of his girlfriend's mother? John was thinking the same thing and began mentally kicking himself, although he did wonder what kind of evil gets named Abbie.

"And as for the banter match, well, it's…tradition. It's scored like a soccer match you see. First to five, Abbie usually wins, of course. They shoot insults and witty remarks at each other and each get a point, they don't know we score it, but I think they do, score it that is, in their head I mean. You see, after one of them gets to five, the other just backs down. It's quite weird, really." John looked at Bob while he was in thought and was seriously puzzled. What kind of tradition is that?

"Oh! Here we go!" Bob, attempted a whisper. "Bitch verses the…non-bitch." How original.

Elizabeth walked up to her mother and they kissed cheeks. Abbie was a bit of a posh snob, you see.

Bob whispered. "Come on, Abbie."

John turned to Bob, extremely confused. "Why are you quietly cheering on Abbie?"

Bob kept his eyes on the patio. "Oh, well me and Babs have kinda gotta bet and I bet on Abbie."

John was horrified, but tried not to raise his voice. "What? Why?"

"Cause, I always bet on Abbie, cause, as I said, she normally wins."

"Yeah, I'm still on the whole fact you're actually betting!"

"Ssshh, I need to listen."

John opened his mouth to say something back, but decided what was the point. Elizabeth's family were completely insane, it was something John was going to have to deal with.

Abbie looked down at her daughter in jeans and a cute t-shirt and smiled at her.

"Elizabeth, darling, didn't you have anything nice to wear?"

She pointed to Elizabeth's outfit in disgust.

"That's one-nil to mum." Bob whispered.

Elizabeth smiled through gritted teeth.

"Oh well! I didn't want to wear any of my nice clothes since I heard you were coming and I didn't think I'd be able to get the smell of vodka and cheap perfume out of them." Elizabeth and Abbie both gave each other big fake grins.

"That's one all, Bob." John commented smugly, glad that his girl was getting one back. Hold on a second, he thought, _my_ girl. Damn it! Falling in love with my boss! Damn it! Bad John!

"I see you bought a rat!" Elizabeth pointed to the Chihuahua in her mother's Louis Vutton bag.

John laughed, "two to one for Liz." Bob scowled, he loved his daughter and all but the thought of losing was, well…not a good thought.

Abbie looked at her bag and then up at her daughter.

"Well unlike you, sweetie, I prefer to pick up rare, exotic dogs than pick up the first guy I meet. I hear you're going out with someone now. Where did you meet him, maybe when you were feeling sorry for yourself at some bar perhaps." Elizabeth glared at her mother, she really could be such a bitch.

Bob smiled at John. "Okay, bitchy comment, but that's two all."

"Oh," said Elizabeth casually. "You mean John over there." She turned at waved at John who waved back, while Abbie's mouth dropped to the floor.

"That's three to two." John said while smiling and waving at Elizabeth.

Bob turned to him. "Why?"

"Have you seen Abbie's jaw, it's on the floor. Let's face it, with my attractive looks and bed hair, I'm adorable."

Bob looked at him and smiled. Although at that moment he was thinking John was a bit of an ass, he was obviously in love with his daughter way more than himself so it was okay.

"You should meet Marcus. You'd like him!" Bob said nicely.

John grinned. "Nice try! Already met him. Apparently I've got soft hands." John said proudly. (You know, like in Hide and Seek where John is telling Liz he shot Rodney, he's so sweet.)

Elizabeth turned back to her mother. "I know, he's not exactly the perfect guy, but he graduated from Harford, earns $100,000 a year, oh and were engaged."

John put his hands in his pockets and smiled smugly at Bob.

"Well, I think that earned her at least fifty points meaning you owe Babs some money."

"I didn't realise you were engaged?" Bob asked.

"Engaged!" Okay, John definitely wasn't listening properly. "I mean, yeah, that's right." John coughed. Bob looked at him suspiciously and then called out to everyone.

"Dinner!" And with that, the Brady Bunch, not, sat around the table, not entirely prepared for the war that was going to start.

End of chapter 4

Sorry it was short, but trust me, dinner is where it all goes down. Includes the throwing of liquid, physical injuries and a vicious dog.

This is just preparing you for the dinner. Suggestions for the physical injuries etc will be greatly appreciated. The next chapter will be the last, so it might be quite long. Tell me how you want it to all go down by reviewing. I just want to say a special thank you to beach chickJASSNL who has reviewed all my stuff, please post the next chapter of Another Virus. My next chapter will be…

Chapter 5:The Dinner


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for everyone's comments and ideas. I really appreciate it. Anyway here is the last chapter, originally called the Dinner, now called…. well, I couldn't think of anything so lets just call it the end. I've finally figured what's going to happen.

Lots of love PickledOnion xxxx

Chapter 5:The End

Everyone sat down to dinner, while John went to the bathroom before the meal. He walked out of the bathroom door and walked into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He said and looked up to see Stephanie smiling in front of him. He knew he had to be careful.

"Oh, that's alright. I'm Stephanie." She held out her hand.

"I'm John, it's nice to be meet you." He said quickly, giving her a friendly handshake.

"So…I hear you and Lizzie are engaged. I'm surprised." She said, getting closer to him.

"Why?" John asked.

"I would have thought a guy like you would go for someone more like…"She paused in thought.

"You." He said smiling, knowing exactly where she was going with this. "I'm sorry, I'm already taken and if you would excuse me, I'm going to sit down to eat."

Meanwhile in the backyard…

"Honey." Babs asked while looking at the table.

"Yes, Babs." Elizabeth said as she was standing next to her.

"Could you get an extra plate from the kitchen?" She asked.

"Sure." Elizabeth said smiling and went into the kitchen.

Meanwhile outside the bathroom…

John attempted to walk past Stephanie, but Stephanie grabbed his arm and planted a great big kiss on his lips.

Elizabeth, who had got the plate, walked out of the kitchen to see them kissing. She was furious and so angry. She was mad and she didn't understand why. She thought John was different…but no! He was just an idiot flyboy who was a sucker for a blonde wearing tight pants. Elizabeth walked back out into the backyard and slammed the plate on to the table.

"There." She said coldly, as she sat down next to Steven.

"Oh, thanks." Said Babs unsurely, totally confused by Elizabeth's sudden change in behaviour.

Meanwhile outside the bathroom…

John pulled away and accidentally walked into the bathroom door.

"What the hell? Why would you? I…are you insane?" John said, completely shocked that some woman would just kiss him after knowing him precisely five seconds.

"Oh, please." She said smiling. "Don't tell me you didn't want me to?"

"No, I didn't! Haven't you noticed I'm with Elizabeth?" He said slowly backing his way through the kitchen and to the back door.

"Yeah, that relationship will last just as long as the others. Her problem is she's too scared of getting hurt."

"Well, I wouldn't do that to her because I love her! Wait a moment, I love her?" John said, questioning himself, Crap! He thought. Am I really in love with my boss? Oh no! This is not good.

Stephanie looked at him confused, why would he only just realise he loves her? He is supposed to be her boyfriend!

"I think you need therapy." She said as she folded her arms and came to that conclusion. He looked at her.

"And I think you should work at a brothel. So there we go." And with that, he walked out and sat down next to Elizabeth and smiled at her. Elizabeth immediately diverted her eyes, which John was puzzled at.

"So…" Steven started making conversation with Elizabeth. "How are things?"

"Everything's just fine." She said bluntly.

"This is where you ask, 'How about you?'" Steven suggested.

"And…." She said, looking at him with a sort of humour me look.

"Well, I just got this new secretary, Melissa…or was it Melinda? Oh, I don't know, all I know is she had got big jugs. I had to fire her though; she wanted to sue me for sexual harassment! Like I'd do anything like that! You know, what I'm talking about, right?" He put his hand on her inner thigh.

Meanwhile, Abbie's rat was attacking John's ankles.

"Abbie? Do you think you could tell your dog to stop attacking me?" He said while he tried to kick it off.

"And why would I do that, dear?" She said smiling.

"Oh, I'll get it off." Stephanie said as she went under the table.

Meanwhile Elizabeth was shouting at Steven.

"Get your hand off my leg NOW!"

"Okay okay! Wow, no need to get your knickers in a twist!" He said raising his hands to defend himself.

"You are such an asshole! Why can't you just stop blaming women for the fact that you always get caught with your pants round your ankles! Jerk! I don't know why my mother thinks that I should be with such a pervert like you!" She said, standing up and turned around to see Stephanie under the table with her hands on John's legs.

"THAT IS IT!" She said furiously throwing her hands in the air, causing everyone to turn around and stare. She took the two beer cans nearest to her and poured one on Steven's head and the other on John's.

"I hate men! I'm going! John! Find your own way home!" She got up from the table, but John grabbed her wrist.

"What the hell was that for?" He asked angrily.

"Hey!" Bob got up from the table. "You let my daughter go!"

"Not until she tells me what is going on!" He said getting up.

"You heard the man." Steven got up from the table and grabbed John's arm. "Let his daughter go." With that, Steven punched John in the face and wrestled him to the ground.

Stephanie was shouting under the table asking what was going on out there, Abbie was cheering Steven on, of course, Babs was laughing, Bob was shaking his head and Elizabeth was in horror.

"Stop it!" She shouted. "Why can't you act your age and stop treating me like I'm someone's possession?" The men continued to fight; John had a cut eyebrow and Steven a cut lip.

Babs got up from the table and got the garden hose and soaked them wet leading to them getting up and stopping. They were soaked and tired and both pointed to each other.

"He started it!" They said in chorus.

Elizabeth looked at them; she was upset and disgusted by their behaviour.

"You are unbelievable you know that!" She walked up to Steven and slapped him hard across the face.

"That!" She said. " Is for the fact that you are a disgusting, arrogant, sexist pig!"

She then turned to John and slapped him round the face very hard as well.

"And that! Is for you letting me believe that you were different from other guys and that you actually cared." She said, quietly trailing off and her voice cracking with the tears in her eyes. Elizabeth then walked out of the backyard gate and along the path, not knowing where she was going. John, of course, ran after her.

"Where are you going?" He said walking quickly after her.

"I don't know!" Just away from you! I'm so stupid! I should have guessed-"

He grabbed her arm and turned her to face him, she looked down at the floor.

"Guessed what?" He said, not knowing what this was all about.

"Guessed that you couldn't keep your hands off Stephanie! I saw you kiss her! Don't deny it!" She said; pain and anger sketched all over her face.

"Yeah. And did you also see me pull away, ask her what she thinking and telling her I love you?"

"What?" She looked up at him.

"That's right." He took her by the hand. "I pulled away and-"

"No. Not that. You love me?" She said, a little smile coming across her face. He broke out into a grin.

"More than anything." And then out of nowhere, John got an impulse that was probably the best decision he had ever made.

He got down on one knee and Elizabeth eyes widened in shock.

"Elizabeth Weir, I realise that our relationship has had its ups and downs, but that's good. We've been arguing like an old married couple for the past year and I want to continue arguing like that. I've loved you since the moment I met you and some blonde in tight pants is not going to change that. Liz, will you marry me?"

She smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Of course, I'll marry you." John stood up, picked up and spun her round for passionately kissing her, but then she put a finger on his lips.

"And for the record, I love you too." He put her down and held her hand as they began to walk back to the house.

"I should hope so."

"You know you're really wet!"

"Really? I hadn't noticed?"

"I hope you didn't hurt Steven too much."

"Nah. Stephanie is probably kissing him all better! Although I am strong, maybe he'll have to go to hospital. You know, Malcolm will like him!"

"He's good-looking and covered in alcohol, put him in a leopard print thong and he'll be good to go!"

John laughed. "Trust me! They're perfect! Just as long as he has soft hands!"

And with that, ladies ad gentlemen, the happy couple walked back to her parent's house to give the good news to Babs and Bob and the bad news to Steven, Stephanie and Abbie. They were going to tell them that they were still engaged, but what they weren't going to tell them was that their pretence was finally a reality.

Even though it had been a reality for a lot longer than either of them had realised.

The End.

I Hoped you like it, please review and if you have any ideas for another story I could right they would be appreciated. Please be my muse, I need inspiration! Lots of love Pickled Onion xxxx

And they lived happily ever after.


End file.
